We shouldn't have to choose between reproductive rights and Genocide—but here we are.

This election has been excruciating as a Muslim mother and American woman.

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Last weekend, Beyonce publicly endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris as the next U.S. President in a rally in her hometown of Houston, Texas. “I’m not here as a celebrity, I’m not here as a politician. I’m here as a mother,” Beyoncé said on stage.

“A mother who cares deeply about the world my children and all of our children live in, a world where we have the freedom to control our bodies, a world where we’re not divided. Imagine our daughters growing up seeing what’s possible with no ceilings, no limitations,” Beyonce continued. “We must vote, and we need you.”

The crowd cheered for one of America’s most beloved pop stars. But the same video juxtaposed against a video of grieving Palestinian mothers by Novara media inspires the question: Do Palestiniand and Lebanese children not count?

Over the past year, many Muslims, myself included, have been unable to ignore the actions historically taken by Democratic presidents while in office. Obama’s administration dropped over 20,000 bombs all over the Muslim diaspora. Biden doing bare minimum to stop Israel’s attacks on Palestinian and Lebanese civilians, and Kamala Harris displaying a staunch pro-Israel stance and complicit silence.

It should’ve been easy an choice this election: vote for the first woman of color , child of black and brown immigrants, the most pro-abortion candidate ever to run for office vs. the disgraceful, openly racist, misogynistic candidate on the other side of the ballot.

Over the past week, I interviewed Muslim women from across the United States to understand their thoughts on voting in this election. Nearly everyone I spoke to expressed that their decision was far from straightforward. Most are reluctantly casting their votes for either Harris or a third-party candidate. According to a recent poll, 34% of Muslim women plan to vote for Jill Stein, while 31% are voting for Harris. This contrasts sharply with 2016, when 88% of Muslim women voted for Hillary Clinton.

Reproductive rights and  Gaza are the two most polarizing issues for the women I talked to during this election.

Sumbel Zeb, co-founder of Muslim Women for Harris, was driven by her own harrowing pregnancy experience to advocate for stronger reproductive rights in the United States and organize for Harris. A few months after Roe v. Wade was overturned, Texas banned nearly all abortions after six weeks. At five months pregnant, Zeb found out that her pregnancy was not viable but doctors in her home state of Texas were not only terrified to perform the life-saving abortion she needed but were also afraid of providing detailed medical advice because they could lose their medical license, jailed or heavily fined.

“I’ve had people tell me that nobody gives a rat's ass about abortion when there' s a genocide happening—how dare you talk about anything else,” Zeb shared.

But backing Harris was not an easy choice either, Zeb said.

On the third night of the Democratic National Convention, Muslim Women for Harris issued a statement announcing their decision to disband, shortly after the Democrats refused to allow Ruwa Romman, a Palestinian-American Georgia State Representative to speak on the main stage. Romman's potential speech was seen as a critical moment for pro-Palestinian and Muslim Americans, many of whom hoped that Harris would distance herself from Biden's policies on Israel-Gaza.

A few weeks later, Muslim Women for Harris reversed their earlier decision and reaffirmed their support for the Vice President. This confusing turn of events is highly symbolic of the dilemma faced by Muslim-American women in this election: elect a fellow woman of color into the highest office in the world or take a stand against the grave humanitarian crisis in Gaza. 

For many Muslim American women, Harris’s stance on Gaza and her support for Israel's military actions have become significant points of contention, especially as the humanitarian crisis in Gaza escalates with over 40,000 civilian deaths. Harris, as a woman of color and the first female vice president, represents a historic breakthrough in American politics and supporting Harris is seen by many as a step toward breaking barriers for women and advancing gender equality, which resonates with Muslim women who face their struggles for visibility and representation in the U.S.

But Harris has disappointed Muslim women on so many occasions that it’s hard to defend the choice to vote for her. Barring Palestinian representation at the DNC, Harris’ too-little, too-late meeting with Arab and Muslim leaders, lashing out at pro-Palestinian protestors—she hasn’t engaged smartly, strategically or compassionately with the Muslim-American community.

“I don’t care as much about voting for the first woman of color because I would like to vote for someone who represents and cares about women all over the world not just here,” thirty-year-old Nebia Zeroual from Masachusettes told me. “We’re past needing the identities and labels.”

I’m in New York, so my vote doesn’t carry much weight in the presidential race, but just building up the motivation to vote has been challenging. Discovering swapyourvote.org provided some relief. This volunteer-run initiative aims to defeat Trump while recognizing voters' disillusionment with the DNC. Through it, I was matched with Ryan, a Michigan voter, who will cast a vote for Harris while I submit his protest vote in New York.

With our symbolic voting pact, Ryan and I are making our own mark on history. This is our way of telling the next president that some of us refuse to accept the status quo. Change has to come—even if it’s not today.

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Read more about voting groups this election cycle:

White Women Voting for A Women This Time (NYT gift link)

What Are Arab American Wome Supposed To Do This November? (The Cut)